How To Take Criticism Like Donald Trump

Donald Trump & Melania (Courtesy of Dominate Tweed via flickr)

I've noticed lately that people aren't very adept at treatment criticism, fifty-fifty when they've asked for it.

Our natural trend when given advice or criticism is to become defensive and upset. Nosotros effort to convince the person they're incorrect (or at to the lowest degree to come across it from our perspective) which, ironically, has the verbal opposite of the intended effect.

Know what the single most effective way is to disarm criticism?Agree with it.

Yous can imagine some mutual situations where this might come…

• You lot're making a presentation at work and later on someone asks a "hostile" question which challenges you in front of everyone.
• You lot're selling your auto and a potential buyer comments that the color or condition is really not to their liking.
• A friend/mentor/family unit fellow member tries to offer you some honest feedback which you lot feel is totally unwarranted.

About people will react to all of these in a like fashion: a defensive and reactive position.  Y'all can immediately run into it in their eyes: it is an emotional response and they become upset.

• "Actually I made the nautical chart that way on purpose.  I included the extra data because it'south important to the overall message and the other people I showed information technology to didn't recollect it detracted from the presentation at all."
• "Really, you don't like the color?  That'due south strange considering I get compliments on it all the time.  It's hard to detect this color actually, information technology's a rare commodity."
• "What do y'all mean I'yard not focused?  I work really hard.  I hateful just because I'm doing those ii things doesn't mean I can't put all my endeavour into information technology!"

In each of these cases, take you convinced the person of your point of view?  Most likely the respond is no.  In fact, yous have further reinforced their original belief in their own mind.  If yous could spell out the internal dialog going on in their heads it would be something like this:

• "Woa!  I approximate I hitting a nerve with that one.  SOMEBODY can't have communication…not only does the chart suck but he/she is in deprival well-nigh information technology, nice!"
• "Great…you love the color idiot.  Y'all're non buying it, I am, and I'g losing involvement by the second because you're starting to badger me."
• "Geez…I estimate I won't bring that upward over again.  It'southward a shame considering we've all know this near John for years…it's obvious to all of usa but we just can't seem to go it through to him.  Mayhap if a few more than of us mention it."

There is an important rule behind all of this that I'd like you lot to remember:

The more defensive you become, the more likely that the person criticizing you is actually correct!

Really…recollect about it for a moment.  What if someone came upwardly to you and said "Your name is Bubba Gump".  Would this upset you?  Since your name is apparently NOT Bubba Gump, this is a ridiculous allegation and the chances of this getting an emotional response out of you lot are slim.

But what if someone came up to yous and said "You lot scent bad".  Well, information technology's all the same pretty ridiculous merely you lot know what, nosotros all do olfactory property bad at times, and hey…there may be a little bit of truth to that.  You might offset to get a fiddling bit defensive: "What?  I don't smell bad, what are you talking nearly?"

Now if nosotros look at a statement that is even farther along the spectrum: "You are actually the most selfish person that I know.  All of your friends talk about yous behind your back and say how selfish you are.  If yous dropped dead tomorrow no one would care."  At present THAT is probable to become an emotional response!  Why?  Because at that place is some truth to it.  We all are a trivial selfish sometimes and recall about ourselves probably more than we should.  And, even though its unpleasant to think most, if we did drop dead tomorrow a lot of people wouldn't care!  Damnit, they're right and that pisses me off!  (An emotional response.)

Since I've learned this, it has played out to be true in my own life.  Whenever someone makes a comment that really gets to me, I'll end up finding out (usually much later on) that they were actually mostly right.  Think dorsum to an case in your ain life when a comment really got to you personally.  Did it cease upwardly existence truthful?

How To Diffuse Whatsoever Criticism

Hopefully that gives you a piddling insight into criticism and when you lot should take information technology seriously.  At present lets focus on how to diffuse criticism that yous don't want.

At the first I said that the secret to diffusing criticism is to agree with it.  I can hear you request, "just Brian, what if the criticism really is incorrect??  I can't just agree with it!"

True, just you can do what I call "tacitly agreeing" or "indirect agreement".  You do this by saying something like "thats a good signal, cheers for that" or "you lot know you're right, there might exist some truth to that, I'll take to consider information technology".

Have yous really agreed to annihilation?  No.  But you take taken the wind out of their sails.

Imagine for a moment someone giving a speech in forepart of a huge audience.  The speaker finishes and Q&A begins where the audience can ask questions.  The first question comes from a very hostile listener who clearly disagrees with everything that has been said.  He or she begins their rant (bearded every bit a question), very eager to take the stage for a moment, and begins to insult and criticize every notion that the speaker has brought up.  The residual of the audience is silently thinking to themselves "wow this is really uncomfortable, this guy is really going at it".  Finally, the speaker has a risk to respond.

In that location are really two ways he could answer, and I want yous to retrieve about what each response communicates to the audience.  The "subtext", if you will.

The get-go response he could give would be to fight back against the questioner with every bit much forcefulness every bit was used against him.  He could get upset and use words like "apparently, y'all don't understand the very basic premise of this concept if you're going to say that, what a ridiculous affair to say".  The audience would see his emotional response and call back "wow that really got to him, he lost his composure".  In the back of their minds they'll also exist thinking "you know if he got that upset by it, maybe the guy was at least partially correct, now I'm non sure".

The second response he could requite would be to lengthened the criticism with tacit agreement.  "You know [slight laugh], that's a great point thank yous for bringing that upwards.  I'll have that under consideration.  Ok…adjacent question over here…"  In other words: treat it every bit if the guy had just said "Your name is Bubba Gump!"  It's not fifty-fifty worth answering.  Information technology's equally if a kid had said it.  The audition's perception is now the complete opposite: "wow that was really embarrassing for the guy who just asked that ridiculous question, he looked like a total idiot".

Getting emotionally upset gives your power away to the criticizer.

Sentry The Chief Of This At Piece of work: Donald Trump

Whether you love him or hate, the adjacent fourth dimension you run across Donald Trump on some news show, watch a chief of diffusing criticism at work.  I of the other guests will usually rail into him, calling him all sorts of bad things and accusing him of publicity stunts, business organisation failures, and misogyny.  What is Trump's response?  He will usually tacitly agree and change the subject, the whole fourth dimension every bit cool as a cucumber.  You'll never come across him get upset.

Someone could say "Mr. Trump is quite peradventure one of the almost quack people that I've seen in recent retentiveness, he routinely exaggerates his business dealings, and I know personally a number of people who will never deal with him once more."

The host will so turn information technology back over to Trump, and ask for his response.  "That's right Larry, I hateful this is an exciting time for the New York real manor market place, and it's great to see so many new people getting involved, at that place is going to be a minor fortune made over the next few years by smart investors."

The accuser is thinking "wait, what only happened?  I called him a liar and he is talking virtually real estate sounding so happy.  He fabricated me look similar a whiny little kid.  Now I'one thousand upset!"  Meanwhile, the audience has all but forgotten and is focused on something else.

When taking criticism…

• Tacitly agree and don't become upset (this is how you lose your ability)
• Remember that the more upset you go, the more likely they were correct
• Don't argue dorsum, y'all're non convincing people of anything
• Finally, take (and actively seek out) criticism from friends and mentors with an open mind.  You'll discover out things well-nigh yourself that everyone else has known for years only was besides agape to tell you.

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Source: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-to-take-criticism-like-donald-trump.html

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